Helping Your Child Sleep When They Feel Anxious
Updated: 6 days ago
Bedtime can be challenging when a child is feeling worried or anxious. With fewer distractions, some children may find that their worries become more noticeable as they settle down for sleep.
If your child struggles to settle at night, you are not alone. There are gentle strategies you can try to make bedtime more predictable and supportive, although what helps will vary from child to child.
This guide shares simple strategies you can use to support your child when anxiety shows up at night.
Understanding what’s happening at bedtime
For many children, anxiety doesn’t look like “worrying thoughts” in words. It can show up as
Not wanting to go to bed
Asking lots of questions or repeatedly calling out
Restlessness or difficulty settling
Physical complaints (tummy aches, feeling “not right”)
Needing repeated reassurance
At bedtime, worries may become more noticeable when there are fewer distractions.
A child who struggles to settle may be feeling worried, unsettled or in need of reassurance. Their behaviour can be a sign that they need support, rather than simply being ‘difficult’.
1. Create a predictable bedtime rhythm
Children feel calmer when they know what is coming next.
A simple, repeatable routine might look like:
Bath or wash
Pyjamas
Quiet activity (book, drawing)
Bed
Short connection time with you
Try to keep the order consistent rather than perfect timing.
“Keeping a familiar routine may help children know what to expect at bedtime. Some children find this reassuring.”
2. Lower stimulation before bed
“Some children find it harder to settle when there is a lot of noise, activity or stimulation before bedtime.”
In the hour before bed, try to reduce:
Screens
Loud or fast-paced play
Overstimulating conversations or news
Bright lights
Instead, gently shift toward calm activities like:
Reading together
Drawing
Soft music
Quiet storytelling
3. Offer calm connection (not repeated reassurance)
It is natural for children to seek reassurance when they feel worried. Although reassurance can be comforting, repeatedly answering the same worry may not always help a child feel more confident over time.
Instead, try
“I can see this feels big for you.”
“I’m here with you.”
“Let’s take a slow breath together.”
The aim is to acknowledge your child's feelings and offer calm, supportive connection, rather than dismissing their worries.
4. Simple breathing or grounding
Young children don’t need complex techniques. Keep it playful and simple.
Try
“Smell the flower, blow out the candle” breathing
Slow counting breaths together
Noticing 3 things in the room (colours, shapes, sounds)
If your child resists, you can simply model it yourself or . If your child finds them uncomfortable or frustrating, stop and try another approach.
5. A calming object or anchor
Some children benefit from something tangible that signals safety, such as
A soft toy
A blanket
A “worry stone” or smooth object
A calm nightlight
You can gently say: “This is something comforting you can keep beside you while you settle for sleep.”
6. Keep separation gentle but clear
If your child needs you to stay nearby, that’s okay but try to make it predictable.
For example:
“I’ll sit with you for a few minutes, then I’ll check on you.”
“I’ll come back in 5 minutes to see how you’re doing.”
A predictable approach may help your child understand what to expect. You can adjust the steps to suit your child's age, needs and response.
7. If worries come up at bedtime
Instead of diving deeply into problem-solving at night, try:
Writing worries down earlier in the evening (“worry list”)
Creating a “tomorrow plan” earlier in the day
Saying: “We’ll talk about this tomorrow when it’s daytime brain time.”
This can give you and your child a chance to talk through worries at a time when there is more space to focus on them.
Keep these activities gentle and optional. If your child finds them uncomfortable or frustrating, stop and try another approach.”
A gentle reminder for you
Helping an anxious child sleep is rarely about getting it perfect.
It’s about:
small moments of calm
consistent responses
your presence more than your words
You are not expected to resolve every difficulty in one night. Changes to bedtime routines may take time, and some children will need additional support.
When to seek extra support
If worries at bedtime persist, regularly disrupt your child's sleep, or affect their wellbeing or family life, consider speaking with your child's GP or another appropriately qualified health professional.
They can help you explore possible causes and discuss suitable support. If your child is experiencing significant distress, you do not need to wait for the problem to become severe before asking for help.
Final thought
Your calm presence and consistent support can be valuable at bedtime.
Even on difficult nights, small moments of connection can help you respond to your child's needs. Remember that you do not have to manage every difficulty on your own.
A note for parents
This article provides general information and is not a substitute for individual health advice. Every child is different. If you are concerned about your child's anxiety or sleep, consider speaking with your GP or another appropriately qualified health professional.
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