Why your brain is wired for comparison

From an evolutionary perspective, comparison kept us alive. Thousands of years ago, our ancestors looked to others in the group for cues about survival

• Am I gathering enough food?

• Am I safe here?

• Am I doing what the group expects?

  
  

The brain’s “social radar” is constantly scanning. Neuroscientists call this social comparison theory (Festinger, 1954). Today, the stakes aren’t sabre-toothed tigers or finding firewood but your brain doesn’t know that. It still lights up with stress if it thinks you’re “falling behind.”

In fact, brain imaging shows that comparison activates the same neural circuits as physical pain (Eisenberger et al., 2003). No wonder it feels exhausting.

How comparison drains your energy

When you compare yourself, your nervous system often flips into a subtle fight-or-flight response. You might notice

• A knot in your stomach

• Tension in your chest

• Racing thoughts of “not enough”

  
  

Your brain then starts burning more glucose (its primary fuel) on rumination and self-criticism. That’s why, after a 10-minute scroll, you can feel oddly deflated, as though someone siphoned off your mental energy.

And it’s not just about social media. Comparison shows up at work (“They’re so much more productive”), in parenting (“She’s got it all together”), and even in wellness (“I should be calmer by now”).

Why willpower isn’t the answer

A lot of advice says: “Just stop comparing yourself.” But if comparison is hardwired into our brains, that’s a little like saying, “Just stop blinking.”

The goal isn’t to eliminate comparison it’s to shift how you respond to it. This is where self-awareness and subconscious support come in.

Your subconscious mind runs many of these comparison patterns automatically, often formed through years of conditioning.

By working gently with those deeper patterns, it’s possible to

• Recognise comparison earlier

• Respond with compassion instead of criticism

• Redirect energy towards what actually matters to you

This isn’t about pretending to love everything about yourself instantly. It’s about gradually training your brain to spend less time in the “I’m not enough” loop and more time in a calmer, clearer state.

Practical shifts you can try

Here are a few gentle, science-backed practices to ease comparison fatigue

1. Name it out loud

When you notice comparison, try saying: “Ah, that’s comparison.” Labeling it engages your prefrontal cortex (the rational part of your brain) and reduces the emotional charge.

2. Come back to your body

Comparison lives in the head. Ground yourself by

• Planting your feet on the floor

• Taking a slow, steady breath

• Dropping your shoulders

This signals safety to your nervous system and helps calm the stress response.

3. Limit decision load

Decision fatigue often amplifies comparison. The more mentally tired you are, the more vulnerable you are to negative spirals. Building simple routines — like choosing your outfit the night before — conserves brain energy.

4. Redirect your focus

Ask “What’s one small thing I can do for myself right now?” This shifts attention from what you lack to what you can actively influence. Even a glass of water, a stretch, or stepping outside for fresh air can reset your perspective.

A more compassionate perspective

Here’s what I want you to take away: comparison is not proof that you’re failing. It’s proof that you’re human.

Your brain evolved to measure itself against others but in today’s world, where we’re bombarded with thousands of curated images and messages every day, that ancient survival mechanism can become overwhelming.

The good news? You don’t have to stay stuck in those cycles. With awareness, somatic grounding, and support for the subconscious mind, it’s absolutely possible to step out of comparison loops and reclaim your energy for the things that truly matter.

Final thoughts

If comparison has been leaving you drained lately, know this you are not alone, and there is nothing “wrong” with you. Your brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do but you now have the power to change how you relate to it.

If you’d like to explore holistic ways of working with your subconscious and nervous system, I offer a free clarity call. It’s a chance to talk through where you’re at, what’s been draining your energy, and whether the approaches I use could be a good fit for you.

You can book here: www.teresasaunders.com